How Do You Do It?

Since the beginning of our relationship, Josh and I have had to spend time apart whether it be for school, the Army, or his job as a pilot. You know what? It works for us. He has had many deployments that have lasted 3-6 months and is now on his second 15-month tour. At least twice a week I am told, “I don’t know how you do it!” Well, this is how:
1) When he is away for long periods of time, we get to know each other all over again. We get to know each other through our words, our support, and our caring actions towards each other that reach over the miles. All of our interactions are based on our words to each other…not how we look, not physical touch, just our words and our hearts. I always think it is like old-fashioned courting.
2) During time apart, we get to know ourselves again. It is so easy to blend yourself with your spouse and your children and sometimes completely lose who you are. I have done this before. I simply became “Josh’s wife” or “so and so’s mother” and although I do love being all of these, I am still utterly and totally me. While we are apart, we each get to really concentrate on those things that make us individuals. We work on personal growth and taking care of ourselves, and that ultimately makes us better partners and parents.
3) He’s a bad ass. When I picture him doing all his soldier duties…leading over 300 soldiers…Hell Yeah! I think he’s a bad ass (and I like it).
4) He thinks I’m a bad ass. I do a lot of things alone. I fix the garbage disposal, jump-start the cars, mow the yard, build garden beds, fix sprinkler heads…all while looking pretty and raising three kids! Yeah, he thinks I’m pretty bad ass too!
5) We LOVE our country. I grew up in the military and have lived all over the world in some beautiful and amazing places, but love our country fiercely. The Star Spangled Banner makes my eyes leak every time. Fire works at 4th of July give me goose bumps. The history of how our country began and how we fought for our independence makes me nostalgic and leaves me wishing that, if only for a brief moment, I could go back in time and see what it was like to be alive during that time. Josh loves our country so much that he is willing to leave his family for over a year at a time. He is willing to leave a job and a life that he loves here at home. He is willing to die for you. Without question. Without a doubt. Just because he loves the United States.
6) We know what he is doing teaches our kids about honor and love for your country. It teaches them that our freedom, to live like we do in America, requires hard work and sacrifice. It is not just given. They understand that even though it is very hard and scary for him to leave us, he does it because he loves them.
7) When our kids see what I’m doing here at home, they learn what it is to be resilient, they understand that life WILL hand you disappointments, but you pick up the pieces and carry on the best you can. They see that when things don’t go your way, you can still smile and laugh. They see that even though they are not directly a part of the Army, what they do by supporting their father makes a difference to our country.
8) Every time he returns home, it is like we are newlyweds again. We get to know each other in person all over again. It is not always easy, but it is exciting. We have both changed and we get to see these new changes for the first time in person while we still recognize the person we have known for 16 years. After nearly 16 years together, I still get excited little butterflies every time I get an email from him, every time I hear his voice on the other end of the phone, and every time I get a package or a letter I know he has touched. I don’t sleep for days when I know I am about to see him again and spend a lot of time making myself beautiful before he gets home…just like when we were 21. Each time he returns, it is that “new love” feeling all over again , but mixed with our “old love “ comfort we have developed over the years.
9) Although we are apart, we continue to grow together.